That Kind of Love
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: Hazue has some thoughts that just aren't right; no one would understand him or how he feels so he can never tell -- not even the one who matters most.


A/N: I don't actually know how much younger Hazue is. Or maybe they're twins? And Hazue goes to a different school so people can tell them apart? Or maybe Hazue is really older than Kaido. Maybe he's already like thirty, and still living with his parents because he can't hold a job because he's a lazy turd. Or maybe -- well. Let's pretend he's a year younger, just for my purposes, especially since I'm attempting to write this while WAY TOO TIRED. All for my sister. P She better appreciate this.

Ahem. I shall refer to Kaido Kaoru as "Kaido" because it pains me to refer to him as "Kaoru"

Ah, and here's where I do this --

WARNING: Um, incestuous thoughts. Not quite moralistic, no.

****

That Kind of Love

Kaido Hazue may have looked like a smaller version of Kaido Kaoru, but they were definitely different people; especially at school. Hazue was popular and sociable, whereas Kaido was definitely not. Hazue had a following of fan girls, and he liked them; if girls had followed Kaido around he would have hissed at them and made scary faces until they left him alone (he'd done it in the past, and would repeat the process until it worked).

Hazue invited his friends over on the weekends, and had done that just about forever; Kaido never invited anyone over, for any reason. Hazue sometimes wondered if Kaido had any friends whatsoever -- he never talked about any, and Kaido told Hazue everything -- at least, Hazue thought that his brother told him everything.

Hazue thought that they were close; closer than most brothers. He thought that Kaido considered him an equal, even though he was younger; he thought that he was Kaido's only friend, and he reveled in that fact -- even though he knew it was cruel, he never wanted his brother to find a close friend, because he didn't want to be replaced.

So when Kaido came home one day with someone he introduced as a "teammate and sempai" Hazue felt his world crumble. Kaido wasn't supposed to be able to get along with people; Kaido was supposed to like being alone. He wasn't supposed to use that almost-smile in anyone's presence but Hazue; what if he started using _real_ smiles, too? Then what? Where would Hazue be?

It was safe for Hazue to have other friends, because no one would ever mean as much to him as his precious ni-san -- and he'd thought that ni-san felt the same about him.

Why hadn't he ever heard of this sempai before? Kaido had only ever talked about a couple of people; Momoshiro, whom he couldn't stand (and Hazue had been jealous of that one for quite a while, until he'd realized that the dislike was real, and not something that stemmed off infatuation), Echizen, who was apparently a brat and somewhat of a prodigy; and occasionally Tezuka, the wonderful buchou -- that Kaido would never dream of approaching.

So, who was this mysterious sempai, and why did Kaido seem to like him so much? Of course he would appear his normal, anti-social self to anyone else -- but Hazue knew him so much better than all those other people.

"Ni-san. Who is this?" Hazue asked. He tried to keep the acid out of his tone; tried to appear as though it didn't matter, and he was just curious.

"Inui-sempai. He came to help me with my homework."

"You've never needed help before." Hazue ignored this Inui person on purpose; avoided looking at him, for fear of letting the mask slip, and giving everything away.

"I've been having problems, lately."

"I see."

Kaido took Inui upstairs to his room, and Hazue watched them go; thinking all sorts of thoughts that should never have crossed his mind, but that he couldn't stop. He was used to thinking that way, though; used to thinking of his older brother in a way that was completely unnatural, or so the rest of the world seemed to believe. Sometimes he wished that Kaido wasn't his brother; wished with all of his heart that they were complete strangers, so that maybe they could be together -- but if that were true, then he wouldn't love him nearly as much, would he? They wouldn't have grown up together, and he wouldn't have developed the adoration that he had now --

Morals were far too confusing, and Hazue wished he could do away with them completely; and he would have, if he could have gotten away with it. If the world would only leave him alone to do as he pleased, then he would deal with whatever the consequences were; whether it was going to hell (even though he didn't believe in hell -- if he broke someone else's rule, he might end up going to their hell anyway) or breaking some law somewhere -- it wouldn't matter…except that he would be punished for it -- and, more importantly, his brother would be punished for it.

He didn't want to hurt his brother, ever.

Which meant that he had to hide his real feelings; had to deal with jealousy when it came up without giving anything away. It meant he had to allow Kaido to have his time with this Inui-sempai, and not barge in there and drag the guy out and dump him outside -- that would give too much away.

He couldn't stop himself from going upstairs and sitting outside of his brother's room, though; couldn't help himself from eavesdropping every word they said. It pained him when there was no conversation -- and it seemed that this Inui person was almost as quiet as his brother was. The long silences made him worry -- what were they doing?

Hazue knew that his brother was gay; he could just tell. It was something that gave him hope and made him worry; then dashed his hopes and made him want to cry. It was so close to being possible that his brother might just feel something for him -- but it would never be more than brotherly love from that end, would it, because Kaido was just a proper little boy, wasn't he -- He also probably did not expect that Hazue was anything but a straight, non-incestuous happy teenager, without a care in the world.

Inui stayed for dinner, and Hazue could tell that his parents liked him; he detested Inui, but might have liked him, had he not been seething with jealousy. He might have liked Inui, if he hadn't felt that he was stealing his brother away --

Maybe he might have liked Inui, if Inui would only stop looking over at him, with those thick glasses that seemed to be able to see right into his very soul -- could he see the jealousy that Hazue was feeling? Could he see all of Hazue's sins and dirty thoughts? Could he tell that Hazue was a twisted human being, just by glancing at him at the dinner table?

Kaido and Hazue were drifting apart; they had been for a while, but Hazue had been denying it. There was no denying it any longer, though; Kaido was going somewhere and leaving Hazue behind, and there didn't seem to be anything he could do to stop it. He wished that he could always be a part of Kaido's world, even if it wasn't quite the part he wanted to play; he wished that he could be as important to his brother as his brother was to him, but that was probably too much to ask of anyone, really.

"Ni-san, would you like to play a game with me?" Hazue asked. They liked to play games, sometimes; cards, board games, whatever. They'd always been close, they'd always spent time together --

"I have to go training," Kaido replied. "I want to improve my tennis. Inui-sempai gave me a training menu."

Inui, Inui, Inui. Hazue hoped that Inui was happy with himself. "I see. Maybe later?"

Kaido blinked a few times at his younger brother. Maybe he was confused as to why Hazue would be as upset as he sounded -- Hazue usually tried to hide that kind of emotion. He was too tired, tonight.

"Is something wrong?" Kaido asked.

Hazue had once believed that his brother would only ever ask that question of him -- that he was the only person special enough to deserve Kaido's full attention, all of his worry.

Now, he knew better.

Maybe he should confess to his brother someday, but -- that would just make things worse, wouldn't it? He'd get sent away somewhere, or Kaido would leave him, and then where would he be? All alone.

Even though Hazue was the one with more friends, the popular one, the one that girls chased -- even though he loved the attention, and lived for it -- there was only one person in the world that he gave a damn about, and that was his older brother.

Maybe it was unnatural, but that was the way it was.

"Nothing's wrong, ni-san. Have a good run."

"We'll play later," Kaido said. "I haven't played cards in a while."

No, no he hadn't; Hazue should know -- unless he'd been playing with Inui -- and yes, that could be interpreted in many different ways, and it made Hazue want to cry all over again --

"I'm tired, I think I'm going to bed," Hazue said. If he slept, then the world might go away and leave him alone. That would be nice.

At twelve years old, Hazue had already found the love of his life; at twelve years old, Kaido Hazue already knew that he would never be happy, for as long as he might live.


End file.
